The Need To Be Needed

I think that the desire to serve has always been an intrinsic part of me. When I was married, and being anything other than vanilla wasn't an option, I prided myself on being a helpmate, a partner, a loyal and dedicated spouse. Defining myself in those terms gave me immense pleasure. Not knowing then that I have what some have determined to be a "slave heart."

Since being with Master, I have found out that what I am has nothing to do with any other person. It has nothing to do with what He does or doesn't do with me. In other words, It's all about me. It's about my need to be available to serve in whatever capacity that is required by my significant other, whether husband or Master.

Unlike my husband, who was wired differently, Master knew. He always knew what I am. Although it was hard to admit to myself at first, I have come to acknowledge that I am a slave, yes, a voluntary slave, but a slave none the less. He knew I needed more than the periodic visits, the occasional scene, the fantasy of domination and submission. I must be of service to Master, providing whatever services please Him. In essence, I need slavehood as the focus of my life. Thankfully, He is willing to give me that. So far, I'm still learning and growing in my chosen path.

Once I asked Master what would happen to me if he were, for any reason, no longer available for me to serve. He didn't say that I probably would be alone, or that I would find another partner or get married again. He succinctly said, "You'd find another Master."